The Searchlight of Insight

Affirmation

Last June on the last day of Union Church Youth Group, we had all the youth write messages of affirmation to each other. Each sheet had a collection of Youth Group pictures from activities throughout the year. The rules of the exercise: the messages had to be complimentary and anonymous. Kids sat in a circle on the floor and passed the sheets around while we played some upbeat music in the background. At the end of the evening they each received their sheet and were able to take it home. There were a few kids who had already left for the summer holidays. The Youth wrote messages for them, too, which were subsequently mailed to the kids. Recently I found Sebastian's while I was clearing out a drawer. I think I will show it to him as an affirmation. Maybe it will pick up his mood a bit.

This past weekend we registered Sebastian for Camp Kivu, a two-week Christian camp that our friends rave about and will be attending at the same time as Sebastian. There will be a growing contingent from Union Church attending for the last two weeks of July.

Changing Lanes

What Tess wrote is all correct. The events of last term were striking: there was a line of demarcation mid-term when Sebastian's world burst and the dam holding him together gave way. I sometimes wonder "to what degree?" Looking down from way above one would draw the same conclusions as Tess. Metaphorically I would say that Sebastian is changing lanes. Perhaps changing highways might be a better way to describe it. I imagine he is uncertain of the highway ahead. Maybe he sees congestion or a mishap. Maybe he's throttling down, not sure what lays in the glimmer of the sun, spray of the rain beyond, or even the road falling beneath him from the collapsing dam.

Ahead there is an off ramp. He's changing lanes to take that ramp and venture off in a different direction. He'll find himself in unknown territory. Maybe lost for a while. Possibly moving slower. Or he might even go faster. He'll hit potholes, spin out and crash, stop and curse. But in the end, his trust will be without borders. He'll go deeper than his feet could ever wonder. His faith will be made stronger. He's on a road less travelled and I know it won't be easy. Why? First, Sebastian probably doesn't even know he's changing roads and second, I've been on that road.

My close friends in Toronto often joke that I was born in a jacket and tie. My dam burst very young - much younger than Sebastian. At school I was pretty much a nobody. At least it looked that way from my side of the world. That changed a bit in junior high when KP and I hooked up. She had cachet. I rode that wave for about a year. Meanwhile, being skinny made me an easy target until I took Judo lessons and one day knocked out the hallway ceiling tiles after shoulder flipping TP who tried to dump my books. The predators backed away. I'm clear they weren't bullies. The teachers were a bit conflicted on who should get the detention. In the end none were issued.

High school wasn't much better. The school was repeatedly winning football championships and had US students venturing north in hopes they'd pick up American college scholarships through our school. I was a mouse compared to these guys. I'll never forget RF who, after perfectly catching the ball at the opening kick-off of a championship game, ran the entire length of the football field to score a touchdown. The crowd went wild and like the Road Runner we all swore he left flames in his tracks. The sobering truth hit me when I learned his thigh, pure muscle, had a circumference of 28 inches against my 23 inch waist.

The following year, Grade 12, God issued me my own after-burners. I discovered I was fast, and if I trained my mind and body, really fast. Somewhere in there I ran a casually timed 4:04 mile and a mentor tried to point me toward a more competitive arena. I declined and while I still ran lots of running races and did okay, my world was best described by a lifelong friend, David Brightling, who half sarcastically said, "Charles suffered the legacy of the lonely long distance runner."

Through all those years I had few school friends. Either the friendships weren't formed en masse or people pulled away in boredom of me. In the psychological world that made me an introvert. Outside of school I loved boats and sailing. In the sailing world I was more of a somebody. I took that off ramp, striking even further afield after starting my own marine business when I was sixteen.  That lasted fourteen years. None of my school friends had any idea. The ensuing years, paralleled by university, forged some good friendships that I still have today. But the shadow of the other half of the equation - the half where friends didn't exist - was always hard to solve for. I was never good at that math and loneliness typically followed the = sign. There were good times and bad times, but isn't that the case with all of us? Any doctor will tell you a flatline is bad. (At left, from left: Tim, Stephen [oldest friend from four years old and claims I was born in a tie], me, Anne, Fred and Tess at a mini reunion in July 2013, Toronto. David Brightling was out of town and unable to attend.)

Sebastian is also not good at this version of math and he is definitely taking a road less travelled. It looks very familiar. I can see the map unfolding. What does Sebastian have going for him?

• Sebastian is fast and if he puts his mind to it, could be very fast.
• Sebastian is creative with a fearless, vivid imagination. No horror story seems to phase him.
• Sebastian loves technology and wants to learn lots about computers, making movies etc.
• Sebastian loves God and is a powerful intercessor.
• Given an enticing book, he is an excellent reader but easily bored.
• Sebastian has a funny sense of humour evolving.
• Sebastian is extraordinarily kind. Sure, we all have our grumpy days (me more often than others) but most of the time Sebastian cares deeply that others are okay and looked after.

What I know matters now is the investment of time to help Sebastian sort and understand his experiences. Chances are Sebastian won't understand the road less travelled and he needs GPS to guide the way. The messages coming in are pretty confusing at the moment and the emotions bubbling up, hard to keep in check. Sebastian doesn't have the armour of resilience. We've identified part of the source, which I'll share more about at another time. For now the map needs to unfold until we see the path we're on.

Sebastian also reads our blogs. Hi Seb, I love you and am really proud of you and all you're becoming. I used an Aston Martin above because if you're on a road not taken, I know you'd want to be in that car!

Coram Boy

After Sebastian hung-up his rugby boots in the Spring, he continued to hound us that he wanted opportunities to act. During the October mid-term break Sebastian participated in two very short acting courses. One of the organisations invited Sebastian to try out for a stage show, Alice In Wonderland. After auditioning, Seb was cast as the Cheshire Cat. This requires Saturday afternoon rehearsals between now and early April 2014. Sebastian has to learn a lot of lines. This also requires sacrifices, we explained to Sebastian. Already Seb has missed one birthday party due to the commitment. But there seems to be great friendship growing amongst his cast members: last weekend they gave him a warm birthday welcome. Then we found out that he has been cast as one of the lead characters in the Year 7/8 school show. More lines to learn.

We keep telling Sebastian that if he wants to be an actor, the best place to hone his skills is on the live stage. (He would rather just audition for Spy Kids 25, or whatever number they're up to now.) Famous actors who started in theatre include Sarah Jessica Parker, Gwyneth Paltrow, Natalie Portman, Kenneth Branagh, Brad Pitt and Sean Connery to name a few. Is that Sebastian's future? Famous educationalists like Simon Breakspear and Yong Zhao would caution me about squashing creativity.

The point is that Sebastian had never seen a real, theatrical drama until tonight. Yes, he has seen a few lively productions such as the Nutcracker On Ice, but nothing like what we saw tonight. South Island School, an ESF secondary school, produced "Coram Boy" and tonight Sebastian and I hiked over to see the show. I suggested to Sebastian he should see it to "get a sense of the quality of production taking place in ESF secondary schools."

Wow, Coram Boy was fantastic and that was the word Sebastian used by the end. Considering the story, it was a bold production to undertake. Yes, it is a heavy, emotional drama. Yes, it has mature subject matter (the ticket read "Parental Guidance, Age 12+" so last week Seb couldn't have attended!) Yes, the plot has plenty of twists and turns. And YES (!) SIS did an outstanding job bringing all this to life on stage and really inspired Sebastian to see what's possible in secondary school live theatre. The acting was extraordinary, especially considering the age range of the cast that was probably represented all the way from Year 7 to Year 13. Professionally and technically, it was expertly flawless with lights, mikes and staging working together seamlessly. I am so glad we went and grateful to see such a terrific performance. Now we just have to make sure we don't softly or harshly kill the creativity that seems to be budding within Sebastian.

What a weekend and it's not over!

I've had the busiest weekend I could imagine. Tess is off in the Philippines with ICM and I'm coming to the end of a four day long weekend with Sebastian and the triplets, which started Friday night with Union Church Youth Group. One of our church members put on an Oktoberfest feast that included an opportunity for some of the youth to arrive early and help cook. The result was an amazing buffet of delicious German food that was the best of its kind I had ever eaten. Thank you, Stefanie, from Union.

Following Youth Group myself and a group of the Youth stopped off at McDonald's: a Friday post-Youth Group tradition. On arriving home the triplets were all asleep. Sebastian and I spent time planning out our Simulated Business Class after which I trolled You Tube for possible take-off and landing videos. I spent too much time on that project ending up in bed too late.

Saturday morning Sebastian and I headed out for the weekly shop that included stocking up for our Simulated Business Class. I dropped off Sebastian then headed out for a 2.5 hour ICM meeting with a consultant. Somewhere in there I noticed on Facebook that Planetshakers were playing at The Vine Church that night. Post ICM meeting I was down coaching rugby for two hours until just shy of 6 pm. I'd left the flat with a question for the kids: do you want to go to Planetshakers? Carys spent the next hour listening to their music on YouTube only to realise we already had, and listened to, many of their songs. At 5:30 PM at rugby a text message came in from Sebastian: "Yes, we want to go!"

Just as rugby was ending I dashed home, ate dinner with the kids, then off we went to The Vine. Driving to the The Vine we discussed the various meanings of "spontaneous." Planetshakers was an amazing event. We unexpectedly met lots of people including some kids and adults near and dear to our hearts: a truly special evening. But of course, the kids heavily lobbied at 9:30 PM as we drove home, "no Youthy event like that is complete without the obligatory trip to McDonalds, DAD!" I lost that battle resulting in the kids rolling into bed at 11 PM. I worked more on the take-off and landing videos.

Sunday morning we were up and out the door to church where I taught Youth Group Sunday School at 9:30 AM. This was followed by the usual service at 11 AM. Noon the kids had junior choir practise during which I hurried off to unsuccessfully find some Simulated Business Class supplies. Back at 12:45 PM I picked up the kids, searching for more supplies on the way home with some luck. Then things really got complicated.

There was one project between 1:45 PM when we arrived home and the Simulated Business Class 4:45 PM departure: moving the boys' bunk beds. At 2 PM I had (1) Gary arriving to dis-mantle, help move and re-assemble the bunk beds and (2) a man with a van to handle transportation. I also had the fourth triplet in tow (Danielle) who'd requested Stand-By for the Simulated Business Class. Stomachs were empty. At 1:55 PM a text message from the man with a van informed me he wasn't coming AT ALL! Argh, it had all been arranged days earlier. I was displeased but quickly moved to Plan B: using my own vehicle.

I phoned fourth triplets' mom who agreed to take the four of them for 2.5 hours at which time I confirmed a place for fourth triplet in Simulated Business Class. Sela and the girls made lunch for the five kids. Gary and I took apart the bed. Jasper and Sebastian carried small pieces of the bed downstairs where it had started raining. Shortly fourth triplets' mom arrives to pick-up the four triplets. Seb stays to help with the bed and set-up the flight. Gary and I carry big pieces downstairs and load up the Honda. We drive five minutes away to the bunk beds' new home and unload. I drive back and re-load the remaining pieces, quickly turning around to drop off the second load.

On the way home I stop in at the grocery store to ensure we have enough food to accommodate the fourth passenger. By now I know how the airlines feel when they say, "I'm happy to inform you Mr. Caldwell that you've been upgraded to Business Class but we're unable to guarantee you will receive the meal of your first choice."

Arriving back home Sebastian has everything ready so we test the videos: take-off is working but not landing. "What will we do," Seb asks, "How will we land?"

"We'll figure that out after we take-off," I reply. By this point time is running out. It's 4:30 PM and the Boarding Passes instruct the passengers not to be at the boarding gate any later than 4:45 PM. "You've got to go get them," Seb blurts out and so I do. Down to Sandy Bay I drive to pick-up the four passengers who'd been watching a rugby tournament. They pile into the car with great drama yelling, "Oh no, we're going to miss our flight. We've been praying and praying that you'd get here quickly!" We drive back up to our flat while I remind them that Business Class is typically a calm and quiet experience. The four triplets bail out of the car and run up to our flat screaming, laughing, pushing, shoving and generally displaying airport behaviour that would have them arrested.

"You're late," Sebastian exclaims pointing to the clock. I look down at my watch showing 4:43 PM and think to myself the battery is running out. "We're the pilots, we're going by MY watch," I retort.

Seb says matter of factly, "Oh okay, let's go then."

Simulated Business Class pulls back from the gate on time. We land 17.5 hours later and that's a whole other blog.

Ground crew (me) cleans up the mess and clutter and prepares for my afternoon meeting. 1:15 PM I go into ICM for more ICM meetings and 6:30 PM I finish. Rush home and have an amazing roast chicken dinner with Sebastian and the girls. Jasper, at a friends house for a sleepover, calls during the evening suffering from cat allergies, mild asthma and probably jet lag from the night before. I speak with him to get him sorted out. JJ has his puffer so I know he'll be okay. Soon after we are all in bed.

Tomorrow morning we have to do the final clear out for the new bunk beds (both girls and boys) that arrive between 1 - 3 PM. Then begins the process of putting their rooms back together. Currently I'm on a mattress next to Seb, on the floor of his bedroom. He was asleep long ago but I'm still circling the airport. If I could find the landing video I'd be able to get some shut-eye. I need it.

Below, the Planetshakers deliver a message in both English and Cantonese at The Vine Church.

The view from Tulameen

If everything went according to plan, then just a few hours ago this is the view that Tess and the kids would have enjoyed. They are traveling with Charmaine who chatted with me via Facebook prior to departing Toronto for Kelowna, but since then I have heard nothing. Charmaine is super organized so I have no doubt that between Tess and Charmaine, the now six kids are in very good hands. Today at church a number of people asked how “the gang” was doing and if Sebastian prayed for snow. Indeed, he did.

Meanwhile back in Hong Kong I have completed my four weekend work projects as I enter the new week. Sleep has still been somewhat scarce this past year so I am retiring early to hopefully get caught-up. I am about to read “My Descent into Death: A Second Chance at Life” by Howard Storm. The author will be speaking next Sunday at all three Union Church services. His book is about his near death experience that was extraordinary enough to have Anne Rice write the foreword. If you are in Hong Kong on July 15, you might not want to miss the experience of hearing Howard Storm’s talk.

Finally, here are two pieces of artwork completed by Sebastian this past year. Again, I have no idea what they represent, but I thought them rather unique and precise. Sebastian has a very creative side that he needs to better channel. (Thus the word precise.) In the last few months Sebastian took one of his workbooks and started writing and drawing comics early in the morning. Another time when he was at a tutor, he said to the lady, “I am going to write books and when the books get published the money will come rolling in.” Maybe Anne Rice will write his forewords.

And God will listen...

I have been meaning to share the following for almost two years. During this past summer I had a sense of a spiritual deepening, which reminded me of this story. The story happened around October 2009 when Sebastian (seven years old at the time) had a sleep over at a friend's home. He and this friend were good buddies and shared some common beliefs about God. The morning after the sleep over, Sebastian his friend and friend's mother were out for a walk and picnic when the following incident happened, as recounted by the mother in an email to Tess.

During the picnic a group of boys walked past the three picnickers. The boys were new to the area where Seb's friend lived and were "a little bit rough" in their demeanor and presence. As a result Sebastian's friend was a bit frightened by the boys and didn't feel secure with them around. The mother described the boys as having foul language such as, "Hey you! You are psycho or what?" They used the F word regularly and a tone the mom described as "certainly not a tone we use in our house." Sebastian's friend was a little scared and wanted to go home.
 
But then Sebastian said to his friend...

"<Name>, you are God's son and you don´t have to follow or listen. Just do what you know is right and then the good can be good and the bad can be bad and God will listen."
 
A beam of happiness shone on their picnic and all three relaxed.

Above: Sebastian at Fintry this past summer. Thanks, Mandy, for the great picture!

Good-bye 122!

The day has finally arrived when we’ll move out of our building after ten years. I remember when we first moved into 122 ten years ago. Tess was in Canada and pregnant with Sebastian. I moved us in and the first thing I did was snap a picture of the sunset then post it to our web site. This was pre-Facebook and blogs weren't big back then. Fitting, I thought, that as I cleared out of our flat this past week I'd snap this final picture of a 122 sunset. For the last two years we lived in a larger 122 flat with gorgeous views such as this one. We didn't really take advantage of those views enough, which struck me during we a we enjoyed bbq on the balcony a few weeks ago.

Regardless, we had many, many great times at 122, where I lived longer than anywhere else with the exception of my childhood home where I grew-up. One spot to remember is the one pictured at left. The last weekend in March 2001, Tess called from Canada. It was morning in Hong Kong and late in Toronto. Our flat was full of Chinese-speaking only contractors,  painting and fixing the place for us to occupy. They were drilling and making a huge racket. When Tess phoned I couldn’t hear her so I went outside the backdoor of the flat. I stood in the spot pictured at left, looking down on the playground through the window. Right there on the phone, Tess read me a poem she wrote, that concluded with her telling me that she was pregnant. I was ecstatic and tried to communicate the news to the Chinese workers. I had to tell someone! They thought I was truly crazy, of course, as I charaded various signs including having a big tummy. Eventually one of them figured out what I was trying to communicate. “Awwhaw, you going to be daddy!” They were happy for me.

Thank you to all our friends at 122 for ten great years. You are a wonderful community.

Downstream

When Sebastian went on his first ICM trip to the Philippines in June 2009, he met a young boy named Jay-R. You can find the video about that trip here. Sebastian and Jay-R, along with many of the other Filipino boys, got along famously that weekend chasing frogs and other small creatures. Sebastian was alive in new ways, seemingly unconstrained by his Hong Kong world that immediately descended on him upon returning to Hong Kong. (Left, standing outside Jay-R's home, April 2011.)

The Manila floods hit during the Fall of 2009 when we were supposed to attend another ICM Building Trip. The flooding mainly hit the larger Manila area. Jay-R’s area in Bacolod, further south, was safe but still received buckets of rain. At the time I explained to Sebastian that the drainage system we helped build in June 2009 would minimize the impact of the rain at Jay-R’s home. Some ICM friends heading down to Bacolod after the floods took a care package for Jay-R from Sebastian. A letter of deep appreciation came back from Jay-R but in November, while on our re-scheduled building trip, we didn’t have time to see Jay-R. Instead, Sebastian met Joshua, a similarly aged boy and the son of our ICM pre-school’s teacher and pastor.

Next stop for Sebastian and Jay-R was the ICM Kids Camp, April 2010. ICM helped us bring Jay-R up from Bacolod to Dumaguete so that thw two boys could spend the week together. Sebastian really wanted Jay-R to attend. The ICM team cautioned us that these arrangements often don’t work – the magic created in Bacolod might not be re-created in Dumaguete. “The frogs are different,” they said. Sure enough, they were correct. Sebastian was much more reserved during Kids Camp than he was in Bacolod although he still had tons lots of fun. (Following Kids Camp our children all said it was the best vacation they’d ever been on. Hmmm… tough competition for Fintry.) Still, I asked Sebastian why things were a little different at Kids Camp between him and Jay-R. Sebastian explained, the best way that he could, that each ICM trip he wanted to do something special for someone. First there was Jay-R, then he made a friend in Joshua, then he helped Jay-R attend Kids Camp, and so on. (Left: the front of JR's door, painted by JR's mother.)

This past weekend we were on another ICM building trip to Bacolod. We stayed an extra few days to hang out at our hotel – the kids love the pool with the giant slide – and also visited our pre-school. On the way back from the pre-school we took a few minutes to make a surprise visit on Jay-R. Wow, am I ever glad we did.

When we left Jay-R’s GK community in June 2009 it was half a rural construction site. Houses semi completed, drainage half built, it was wet and muddy. When we returned 21 months later the community was complete and thriving. A huge community building stood in the middle of the neighbourhood, dwarfing the small building we helped build in 2009. The finished drainage system showed signs of being well loved by water. Flowers adorned the homes. Jay-R quickly appeared, along with his mom, who welcomed us into their small house. This was when the dots started to connect for Sebastian – Sebastian discovered the pictures and letter he’d sent Jay-R on the walls of Jay-R’s home. There was also a piece of Jay-R’s Kids Camp arts & craft work with the words, “Black Bananas are the Victory” written across the bottom. The Black Bananas were Sebastian, Jasper and Jay-R’s team that won the “best team” award at the end of the Kids Camp week. (Left: the pictures and letter on Jay-R's wall.)

Sebastian was amazed to see these items flood back through his world, albeit for ten minutes. They helped all four kids see the downstream impact of their efforts – long forgotten from their view but still alive and making a difference thousands of miles away.

June ICM Trip to Bacolod, Philippines

I finally completed the picture/video collage of Sebastian's and my trip to the Philippines with ICM in June 2009. The video is posted below. Many thanks to Tess who let Sebastian and I escape for a weekend in June while she looked after The Terrific Trio.

Sebastian's care package for JR...

Several weeks ago the entire family was supposed to return to Bacolod, Philippines with ICM. We were to build some houses in the same area where Sebastian and I visited in June.* Sebastian was very much looking forward to meeting a boy named "JR" who he be-friended on our last trip. Unfortunately, the Manila floods delayed our trip to mid-November. Our flights routed through Manila where the airport was in chaos. ICM also wanted to focus energy and resources on Manila at that time and hold off on Bacolod. (Left: JR stands next to Sebastian along with some other friends.)

Naturally all the kids were disappointed. We looked at the news pictures and maps of Philippines to see how JR would have been affected by the typhoon. We concluded that, like Hong Kong, JR would have gotten lots of rain on the edges of the typhoon but was otherwise okay. I asked Sebastian if he wanted to send a care package to JR and he said, "Yes!" Coincidentally, one of the ICM team was in Hong Kong at the time and agreed to take the package to Bacolod in the coming weeks. Sebastian dove into the sweetie bowl, pulling out his favourite candies. We put them into a small plastic bag. Sebastian wrote the note pictured below. He also asked me to buy a few things for JR: a new pair of sandals, a drawing book, some pens and a few fresh packs of Sebastian's favourite sweeties. I packed the items up into an envelope. Our ICM friend received the package and it was off to the Philippines. 

* Made possible by generous Tess who let Seb and I escape for a long weekend while she looked after the triplets.

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