The Searchlight of Insight

For what are you grateful?

The month of April is upon us and I just finished my "Gratefully." This is an expression the kids throw around easily and have done so since 1 January, 2012. This year we rolled out a new project with our family. During the Christmas holidays the kids and I went to a small shopping centre (Chi Fu) to purchase 2012 planners. We bought the very small ones for Tess and I, while the kids got the next size up to make it easier for them to write. No, we have not abandoned the calendars in our iPhone and Blackberry. We use the planners for our "Gratefully Project."

For the month of January the project started off with the kids and ourselves, each day, writing three things for which we were grateful. Each day the sentence starts off with, "I am grateful to God for..." The kids stuck with the project with no prompting. Remarkable.

In February the project shifted slightly - the daily Gratefully consisted of two things for which we were each grateful and one person we each thought we needed to forgive. Forgiveness can be difficult for anyone. The kids know what it means and with some trepidation typically hand out forgiveness when they upset each other. At the end of each day we often hear stories of little tit for tats at school, which is why we added forgiveness onto the Gratefully Project. Now each day we write, "I am grateful to God for _______ (two things) and I forgive ______." Even if the kids feel they cannot forgive someone at that moment, they will still write someone that they know they need to forgive in their heart.

What I find most remarkable about the Gratefully Project, is how willing the kids have been to partake. Now we are into April, everyone is up to date, and the kids rarely need to be reminded. In fact we don't prompt them at all.

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32

Gingerbread Time!

Recent pictures...

Here are some recent pictures from the last few months. First, we have the kids on Tess and my bed about to watch a movie... excited because this would mean watching a movie on "THE BIG TV!" This picture was taken in August. Next we have a picture of the kids in their rugby kit. They all have rugby practise late Saturday afternoon. It is a fun community of players and parents. The Saturday group formed as an offshoot of the Sunday group who couldn't easily attend Sundays due to church commitments. Sebastian attends the Sunday practise, though - starts at 8 AM, yikes - then afterwards we go to church.

Next we have four random pictures of the kids that were taken around the house that look much like close-up portraits.

Next we have two pictures of Sebastian. First, a sweet picture of him hanging out on one of the living room sofas. Second, a picture of Sebastian learning to type on Tess' laptop. As part of Sebastian's homework that weekend he had to use an online typing tool available on his school's web site. He made a good start but don't expect him to start blogging anytime soon!

Here we have two pictures of Carys and Sela. The first one is another portrait-like picture. The second one is from the girls making "silly faces" while taking a bubble bath. I took some video while snapping the bubble bath pics and one of these days I might get around to posting here. Finally, last but certainly not least, is a picture of lovely Tess just before we headed out to the ICM banquet.

Weekend Ritual After Breakfast

End of the weekend...

It's the end of a gorgeous Hong Kong weekend. The weather was terrible on Friday, but surprised us on Saturday by clearing up - the partly cloudy and breezy day presented a wonderful opportunity for the junk trip that Tess wrote about here (includes pictures). I was amazed that this morning the kids didn't sleep later. Regardless, after church we met a friend of a friend of Tess, Harmony, and had a somewhat relaxing - as relaxing as it could be with four kids equal to our less than six years old. At the end of the weekend we had a fun moment, so entertaining that Sebastian insisted I tell him the story THREE times.

As we approached Sunday evening, Sebastian and Tess headed to a neighbour's flat to drop off a birthday present for a friend whose party Seb missed because he was on The Junk yesterday. While they were gone I started dinner for the triplets... vegetable fried rice LOADED with veggies that Jasper would never eat but so good that ultimately all kids wolfed down. (Veggies disguised as very small bits.)

Sela and Carys finished first, because naturally, seems that JJ's bodily functions always call him to the toilet during dinner thus delaying the consumption of his meal. Carys was the first to polish off her yoghurt and other after dinner treats. I whisked her off to the bathroom where she wee'd, changed, brushed her teeth, nappied and got into bed. Next it was Sela's turn, but Sela needed quite a bit of prompting. Sela was messing around in the kids' bedroom with Carys, much to my changrin. Flash to Jasper, now eating his yoghurt, drinking his milk etc. Before I know it JJ is at my feet, "FINISHED!" he exclaimed upon which JJ - who normally takes forever - quickly  wee'd, changed and brushed his teeth. As I was putting on Jasper's nappy, Sela pranced before JJ and I with a "tah-dah" to announce she'd finally changed. However...

I had meanwhile been saying to Jasper, "JJ, you are going to beat Sela."

"HO, HO," he laughs, chuffed at his little impending victory, "Why?" he asked.

"Because Sela hasn't brushed her teeth!" I replied.

"HA HA HA," he laughs, "Sela, I am going to beat you!"

"NO NO NO," Sela yells, turning to race into the kids' bedroom with Jasper in hot pursuit. Sela landed first on her bed with JJ landing a close second on his bed. Sela spun around to face JJ in his bed, arms raised to the heavens, yelling, "Jasper, I beat you, I beat you!"

"NO YOU DIDN'T SELA, YOU HAVEN'T BRUSHED YOUR TEETH!" replied JJ with certainty... trusting that Dad spoke the truth.

With screaming, laughing and yelling erupting from all three triplets a small moment of silence registered in Sela's mind when she realised she was completely and totally BUSTED. That moment could have resulted in a major pout, but instead she was a very good sport, laughing hysterically that she lost the race due to her unbrushed teeth. I whisked her away for a quick clean after which the three of them made absolutely no effort to go to sleep.

By this time Sebastian returned. I sat with him as he ate his veggie-rich rice, recounting the story of JJ's 2nd place victory that brought him so much joy he insisted the story be told three times. Why do you suppose this story brought him such delight? A great weekend had by all. (Above, two adults - Arnaud & Richard - on yesterday's junk trip trying to stay on the tubes while moving at top speed.)

New pics of the kids...

Okay, I confess... it was a Shrek Birthday Cake. We've created a new photo album of the kids out and about from February & March. Click here to access the photo album at Tess' blog.

Pictures from Christmas 2007

I haven't been blogging much lately and there is a definite reason why that I will share in due course. For now I wanted to post some photos from Christmas 2007. Sebastian got the big picture probably as far back as 2005 - in other words the excitement of Christmas morning - but this was the first time it really sank in with the trips. Tess already shared about Christmas Eve at church. After the kids were in bed we placed presents beneath the tree and stockings on the sofa. I must admit, this year I was very organised with almost not last minute shopping or wrapping. Tess and I were in bed in good time and this was the scene. The little elf has been in my family for decades. I think he and his fellow companions, still in Toronto with my dad's Christmas ornaments, first debuted when we were in The Bahamas for Christmas when I was six years old. My sisters and I were forewarned by our parents not to expect much when we woke up Christmas morning because we were all packed aboard a very small sailboat. But wow... I'll never forget waking up to find my parents had decorated the inside of the boat with ornaments and all sorts of little presents and stockings waiting for us! Meanwhile, here are some pics of Christmas morning. At left the kids sit on the sofa just prior to opening their stockings.

Here the girls enjoy drawing in some new books and also try their hand at putting make-up on... I think that's Cinderella underneath all the layers. Poor thing looked a mess by the end of the effort. Tess and the girls ended up "giving her a bath." A fun way to clean=up (read diversion), of course!

Jasper sports his new Buzz Lightyear costume - I think he'll need six months to grow into the outfit but in the interim was willing to share with Sebastian - while Sela and Carys show-off their new pink tutus. The girls were thrilled with this present since they have a book called "Pink Tutus" that they absolutely love. It was as if the book had suddenly come to life for them.

The girls continue to show-off their pink tutus, accessorised by some gifts from Aunty Penny in Toronto: fairy wings, tiaras and magic wands. They were absolutely thrilled and also play "back-up" to Jasper after he received his new guitar. JJ will definitely turn out gifted in the musical area. He loves to sing and this present - inspired by Tantalising Tess - was probably the most favoured present he has ever received ins hi life. He likes to sleep with it!

Finally, last but not least, Tess admires a gift from Sebastian that he proudly made at school. For the remainder of the day Tess and I prepared for some friends to come for dinner: four adults and eight kids. Great time was had by all! I know these are from a month ago but was it worth the wait?

IFC Christmas Party

Just before Christmas I took the kids to the IFC Christmas Party, held on the top floor/roof/podium of the IFC complex where I work... don't get too excited, that's about the 4th floor - the office buildings tower up on either side. The building behind Santa is where I work, overlooking the harbour. At the party we were joined by Terri, who we know from Union Church, and her daughter Olivia, who was a classmate of Sebastian's at Small World last year. The party consisted of many inflatable rides, inflatable obstacles courses and gigantic cartoon characters. Horrendous food line-ups meant we topped off the afternoon at Ben & Jerry's for ice cream. Below are some of the pictures from that afternoon. Enjoy!

Dark, dark day...

I was hoping to get much more mileage out of The Lark piece below, but alas, other things to write about. I am sitting on the Aberdeen Boat Club playground after swimming for an hour with the kids. I made the decision that I had to remove the kids from our household for the whole day to give G&M a full break in addition to their day off tomorrow. This week we had an episode of amah drama... in a nutshell, the wife (Marianne) of our new husband/wife team, who are replacing Lita & De, wants to leave. She told Tess the job was too stressful and she is having a hard time adjusting to all of it: the kids, the pressure, the busyness and especially the cooking because she is not a cook by nature.

This news landed on Tess as she was about to leave for a weekend Christian mission trip to China. I arrived home last night about 1 AM from my China business trip after Tess left.  I had a work issue that kept me up until 3:30 AM. I slept until 8 AM then we left for triplet swimming lessons. Seb dutyfully watched a portable DVD (Veggie Tales) while we swam. This week was Jasper's turn to swim with dad. Sela melted down at this reminder. She refused to swim with Marianne: cried, whined, screamed. By the time the whole thing was over we'd missed half the lesson.

When we arrived home I sent the kids to the playground with Gary so Marianne and I could talk. Her explanation was amazingly mature and insightful. Most amah dramas shift blame. Her's didn't. She told me: (1) "I am insecure when reacting to your children. I really believe they don't like me." This didn't surprise me. The kids' treatment of our helpers is atrocious, with Carys probably the exception. Everything we do fails to get the kids to love & respect them. Lately they've been particularly beligerant not only to G&M, but also Tess & me.

(2) "I am not learning how to cook fast enough." I thought things were going okay here but Marianne elaborated...

(3) "Tess needs someone she can rely on and offload things to. I don't think I am a good enough helper for what Tess needs."

There was no drama... just very specific issues presented in a way where Marianne was seeking responsibility. We talked about it for a while and I assured her not to worry about the situation. I knew she needed space. I packed up stuff for the day: fresh swim suits, books, sweaters in case it got chilly, loaded the kids in the car and we left.

Our first stop was Chi Fu, a local, large residential complex with a small shopping mall good for inexpensive stuff. After going to an ATM for cash we went hunting for books. I bought each one of the kids a drawing/writing book and multi-coloured pen. (The kind that has 6 different coloured pens in the one pen.) We drove to the ABC, sitting ourselves down in a booth for lunch. I wrote the kids' names on each book and showed them how to use the pens. Intrigued, they wanted to try them right away. "Not yet," I replied, "first we have to have a talk because I have something sad to tell you."

For the next fifteen minutes while we waited for lunch, I talked to the kids about their recent behavior. I had each one of them remember moments of unacceptable behavior. Sebastian was the first to deny his guilt. "Who scratched Gary on Wednesday night? Who wrote on the wall after Gary painted it, making it so beautiful?" I asked. "I did," replied Sebastian.

Next Jasper denied being unkind to G&M. I looked at him, "Jasper, who had two fights with mommy this week? Who hit mommy at dinner? Who told Marianne 'I don't like you?' hnnnnh?" His face sank. He knew he was busted. Then Sela tried her hand at denial, to which she was trumped. Carys emerged relatively unscathed until I asked them about whining and whinging and yelling. They sat there, staring at me, not sure what was next. "Have you been treating G&M nicely?" They all sheepishly admitted their guilt. Then the punchline...

"The sad part about this whole thing, is that Marianne thinks you don't like her..." I explained as simply and clearly as I could. The triplets struggled with this notion, but Sebastian sat there stone faced. "You know what I am talking about don't you, Sebastian?" His sad little face nodded. After that I said all the right things I could think of... including how privileged they were to have G&M, to live in Hong Kong, to have so many things done for them. I explained that things were going to change and they would be expected to help out A LOT more. Finally they all agreed in their child-like way that we needed to apologise and ask forgiveness." Sebastian said a little prayer, and remarkably each triplet responded with their own mumbled prayer. Lunch arrived - chinese style fried rice, hold the veggies. I served the rice and said, "THIS... IS... YOUR... LUNCH... if you don't like it, you WILL be hungry." They wolfed it down.

Following lunch we had a wonderful 30 - 45 minutes of relatively quiet time as they each drew in their new books with their new pens. I thought this time was quite good because it balanced out the mild rebuking with quiet fun. Then it was off to swimming and the playground.

You might be wondering about Carys in all this, who is actually quite well behaved towards the world. At one point when she had to do a wee wee, she and I had a few minutes alone. While she sat on the toilet I kneeled before her at eye-level. I thanked her for treating G&M and Tess nicely. "You're very good about those things Carys. Can you please help Seb, JJ and Sela be good about those things, too?" She replied with a relieved "yes."

Flash forward: it is now 9 pm and the kids are in bed. In the middle of writing the above, Sebastian and Jasper had an incident of mutual and unjustified aggression. I pulled them into the penalty box for a time-out. They joked about it. Warning 1. They joked about it some more. Warning 2. They kept on joking. Busted... they had just lost the privilege of staying at the ABC for dinner. Unhappiness descended upon them. Had Tess been there I would have come home with the boys and she would have stayed for dinner with the girls. I dwelled on what to do, aware that it was risky to dump two sullen toddlers on G&M then still have dinner with the girls. Finally after ten minutes I gathered all four in a circle. I explained what would have happened had Tess been there. "Instead," I said, "this cost the whole team dinner at the ABC." They all accepted that but weren't thrilled. (Above: Sebastian & Jasper contemplate being busted during their time-outs while Carys & Sela continue to play.)

At home the kids had dinner. Gary immediately grabbed all our gear to look after it. "Uh, thanks Gary but the kids will clean that up," I said. Sela had a meltdown because she got orange yoghurt instead of purple yoghurt so I put her to bed. The remaining three then helped me unpack our gear. JJ and Carys then went to bed. Lately we've been helping Sebastian a lot with practise printing... tonight's practise involved writing Gary two apology notes. Remarkably Seb wrote them with much more enthusiasm than most of what he has previously written. (Click on the pics to see the enlarged versions.)

This whole thing, and the quite difficult week that lay in my wake, has me re-assessing what exactly Tess and I are doing in Hong Kong with our family. We have friends who have seen their children develop very poorly in relation to the concept of helpers. In one case HK-based parents (Canadian citizens) were back in Canada for Christmas several years ago. Their kids refused to help clean-up after a holiday dinner, while the Canadian in-law kids cleaned up voluntarily. Those parents came back to Hong Kong, immediately handed in notice to their employers and were back in Canada permanently within 30 days. Sometimes I look at my four and wonder if we are on the same path.  Who knows... I am so tired right now that I can't really draw any conclusions. But I have one thing to add... this will probably drive the non-Christians crazy...

I am really clear that God has laid a path before me, with specific accomplishments to achieve. Until I complete those tasks no doors will open and I'll be frustrated as all get out. But this past week something very, very profound happened to me that has been brewing for a few months, probably as profound or more profound than my original 1982 calling. God said scripturally and very simply offered a one degree course correction, "this way."

"Uh, hello, wait a minute, who is calling?"

"Go this way, Charles, it will help you get the tasks done."

"Okay, wait a minute you can't just say..."

"This way, Charles, go this way to get it done."

"B-b-but, um... er... uh... huh, huh, huh..."

"This way, Charles."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"That way?"

"That way."

"Now?"

"Now."

I don't wanna...

Sela is going through a nasty temper tantrum phase. She knows that Lita will be leaving in a few weeks and is already giving the new team, Gary and Marianne, attitude and the cold shoulder every so often, resulting in time-outs as pictured at left. (There is about a one month transition between the two helper couples.) On another but soon to be related note, we finally surrendered to water wings for the triplets (and Sebastian on occasion)  in June. I'm not sure why we waited so long before using them. The difference is HUGE... the triplets love being in the water and it's possible for one adult to watch all three and stay out of trouble. This past week I bought brand new Speedo water wings that are very reliable at holding air and keeping the kids buoyant. Therefore, yesterday and today I took all four kids to the ABC (Aberdeen Boat Club) for swimming... by myself. Saturday we had a fantastic time with the kids spending most of our 2.5 hours there in the big pool. The overcast skies kept crowds away and we had the pool mostly to ourselves. Swimming was followed by a fun shower and the surprise arrival of Tess who joined us for dinner.

Today the ABC was busier. Tess remained at home again to get some work done. Generally everything went okay until it was time for our shower. While gathering up our stuff beside the pool Sela spotted cookies in our bag. She wanted one. "Not before dinner," I replied, "we can all have one after dinner." This set her off like a rocket. A train of dad and kids meandered into the Men's washroom with Sela at full volume wail. Sebastian, Jasper and Carys excitedly stripped and jumped into a warm shower. Sela wanted two showers - one all to herself with her own siblings of her choice joining HER SHOWER. Picture this: the washroom is a small facility with three toilets, three urinals, three showers, three sinks and a bunch benches and lockers. The walls are cement with nothing to absorb sound - this thing is an amplifier. Sela screamed for twenty minutes. NOTHING would calm her down - loving hugs, tough love, distractions like a comb to brush her hair... blah, blah, blah. She refused to get into the shower (this after saying all afternoon, "I want a shower... I want a shower..." She refused to stop crying. Knowing that she likes to be a drama queen, burrowing her head into a sofa when melting down, I folded a towel next to her. She keeled over and screamed into the towel, muffled herself, then turned her head to the side to return to original volume. There was a lovely gentleman changing and showering who, well, didn't have such a relaxing time. Meanwhile the rest of the ABC heard Sela screaming.

Finally, I laid down the law. "Everyone, we're not staying for dinner. Sela has lost the privilege to stay for dinner and I can't leave the rest of you so we're going home." The other three were not impressed (but reacted remarkably well to the news) and Sela kept on screaming. One by one the kids got dressed, we got in the car and drove home. (I called Tess to warn her.) Halfway home Sela figured out what had happened and turned into "sweet as pie" but at the dinner table she refused to eat her dinner (she also refused to eat her lunch and went down for her nap hungry.) When the attitude re-surfaced at dinner I gave Sela one chance to redeem herself... she crawled into her chair and started eating.

Tess appeared and we had "the lecture." Had we had both been at the ABC, one of us would have come home with Sela. We explained this to the kids as they munched away. Sela had already apologised earlier to me, but Tess suggested an apology was owed to Sebastian, Jasper and Carys. Sela hesitated not a moment with, "Sorry Carys, sorry Jasper, sorry, Sebastian," looking at each one determinedly. That wasn't enough for JJ who looked up from his dinner and shot back, "Louder, Sela!"